Yes, I do realize that I started the first title to my first post in my first creatively inspired blog with an entirely made up and 'white girl famous' word "howzabouts". It happened, its been done, and it would be best for the both of us to simply move on and forget about it, because I am neither in the mood to change it, nor apologize for it. Forgive me if I sound a bit stubborn about this; its just that I am currently laying in bed, naked, at noon, so I've got to take a stand for something today or I might get the urge to drown whatever ambiguously unmotivated emotion I've been feeling lately in some cheap pizza rolls and Safeway bagels. And God knows that my newly developing love handles don't need additional help.
Seriously, though.
Anyhoo (yes, we are doing this), this blog isn't exactly going to adhere to any certain form or theme. Sometimes I will be pursuing the entirely selfish undertaking of making you laugh, and other times I will be pursuing the not-so-selfish-but-still-a-little-selfish endeavor of making you think. Seriously though, the entire concept of a blog is unarguably selfish when you get to thinking about it. How many people do you know? Dozens? Hundreds? Facebook would probably have you believe that the latter is more realistic, but I'll leave that semi-depressing Zuckerburg induced phenomena for a different post (I actually doubt that said post will happen, I just don't want to distract you lovely folk with an inappropriately placed Facebook tirade). The point is that I, David Gillespie, representing exactly ONE of these people that you know, am sincerely hoping that you will take time out of your day to read what I write. And as if that isn't enough, I also have a grossly egotistical expectation for you to like it. I'll give you a few moments to check your Newsfeed and think to yourself about what a total spunk trumpet I'm being for expecting these things, and then I'll meet you at the next paragraph.
Some of you that personally know me may be thinking "David, you've done these blogs before, and they have all ended abruptly and shortly after you've started them". And to that I have two responses: the first is that you can politely shut your mouth. The second is an acknowledgement that yes, this has happened. My first attempt at a blog was during my freshman year of college, and it was basically just my own version of Cracked.com. I discontinued it when I realized that it was a somewhat sad and entirely limp-dicked waste of my energy, which is something that I was already sufficiently wasting at the time.The second was something that I was writing whilst getting sober, documenting my feelings about the process and so on and so forth. Again, some of you that know me may say something along the lines of "but David...you are currently known to drink plentiful amounts of alcohol at times, and smoke the occasional and recreational bowl of what some may refer to as 'hippie salad' ". First off, I have to compliment you on your wording in that very rude and impolite observation. Top stuff. Secondly, I will have to admit that yes, I do drink an amount of alcohol that could be considered healthy or not healthy depending on who you asked and what state that person lived in. And yes, I do occasionally smoke weed. But do you know what I don't do? I don't rail lines of hopefully-cocaine-but-maybe-meth off of my own guitars, nor do I smoke black tar heroin off of the tin foil that my mother used to wrap my sandwiches for school that I wasn't showing up for, so I'll focus on the little victories.
In the long run, my hope for this blog is that it manages to brighten your day for a brief few minutes while I make profane observations, tell a few stories, and throw out what will probably end up being entirely unfounded and illogical theories on everything from why your child should play Pokemon to why they should never be subjected to Barney (that purple and green nightmare of a dinosaur happened, and we let it happen). I hope to learn a few things along the way, and I suppose it would be cool if you did to, but please make an effort to not go and steal my thunder. This is primarily MY learning experience, God damn it. Now go get back to whatever you were doing, and soon enough I will have procured some Things, Stuff, and Other Various Etceteras for you to enjoy.
Love, David
P.S. This is, apparently, a letter now.
